The Constant Nymph

So I get up late one night, not being able to sleep after eating all those sardines in mustard sauce I stole from the pantry, and I see my Dad's preparing to watch a movie called The Constant Nymph. Later he tells me he's confused it with a drive-in movie he saw in the 90s*, but this turned out to be a pretty good picture anyway.

 The Constant Nymph was made in 1943 and the main actors are Charles Boyer (pronounced "boy-YAY", 'cause he's French, don'tcha know), Joan Fontaine, and Alexis Smith. They make up what we in the literary world call a love triangle.

Without revealing any spoilers (that's something you should only do when movies suck), let's just say that Joan Fontaine, an adorable little scamp of fourteen, who adorably runs around indoors like an ungainly colt, is devotedly in love - she's the "Constant Nymph" referred to in the title, unless there was a baby insect I'm forgetting about - with struggling composer Charles Boyer. But Chuck up and marries rich girl Alexis Smith. Emotional fireworks and gloopy romantic scenes ensue.

The gloopy romantic scenes were okay, if you like that kind of thing. At least they saved them toward the end of the movie, but I wouldn't recommend watching them on a stomach full of sardines in mustard sauce.

Two questions I have: what does this delightful young girl (who should be going out with someone like me) see in this old geezer, what with his bulbous forehead, his cigarette breath, and his pudgy Gallic hands? Gosh, Boyer is like my dad, if my dad smoked a lot and wore a bad toupee. And is anyone else creeped out by the fact that someone of Boyer's age, and married, to boot, wants to gallivant across Europe with a fourteen-year old girl? It's like my dad wanting to run off with one of my sister's friends. Yuk. Maybe that kind of thing was not frowned upon in Europe in the 40s, but today I think he might just end up in the pokey, in a cell next to my uncle Elmo. And the less said about my uncle Elmo, the better.

Charles Boyer is good in the movie, in a land bereft of desirable males, appealing if you happen to find yourself susceptible to his Pepe LePew voice and his particular brand of oily charm. Alexis Smith is good too, a real trooper in a role that's not very flattering, having to be all jealous and mean to adorable Joan Fontaine. And I think Alexis is talking with the wrong accent, as are a lot of people, so I guess it's no big deal. But Joan Fontaine! Wow!

Joan Fontaine is so good as the fourteen-year old capable of loving and feeling well beyond her years, with a heart full of unconditional love and understanding. Like a puppy. She made me completely forget that she really wasn't fourteen, but an old broad of twenty-five. And I also forgot that she spoke with a British accent, although she grew up in an European mountain village somewhere. But I guess that's what great acting is all about.

Giving a great screen performance is all well and good, but more importantly, she reminds me of this girl who sits next to me in most of my classes and copies from me. And I gladly let her, because that's what true love is all about. True, eternal, hopeless love.

Perhaps we all have our own Constant Nymph.


* The Constant Nympho (1992), starring Tawny Porte and Brad Nailer.

                                                     The girl who sits next to me.