Just Askin'

These days, many restaurants boast hand-cut french fries.

Wouldn't using knives be more efficient?

Too Soon?

If Sonny Bono's last words were "SHIT!", did he slalomly swear?

Use It in a Sentence!

Laureate:

Stinky's favorite Lesbian Porn movie: When Laureate Sally

Good thing Stinky's mom never reads this blog!

Nicholas Ray - Book Thief?

One of Stinky's favorite online movie critics, DVD Savant, thoroughly and eloquently reviews here Nicholas Ray's They Live by Night, a film Savant regards much higher than Stinky, but Stinky is notoriously hard to please. Has there ever been a movie that Farley Granger has not nearly or completely ruined? But that is a conversation for another day and a different watercooler.

However, Stinky can add something to the Nicholas Ray discussion that almost no one else can.

Uncle Dave, one of Stinky's top seven favorite uncles, claimed to have found Nicholas Ray's own copy of Edward Anderson's novel Thieves Like Us, the book on which They Live by Night is based. Since Uncle Dave is seldom lucid and has but a meager grip on reality, Stinky rarely takes anything Uncle Dave says at face value. But this time, Ol' Uncle Dave put his kopecks where his maw was, and showed Nephew Stinky the tome in question. And bless his Grinch-like ticker, Uncle Dave was telling the truth.

On the inside, PLEASE RETURN TO RKO LIBRARY is stamped, a terse but reasonable request. After all, Howard Hughes was not made out of money. Amphetamines, goat glands and chutzpah, yes, but money, no. And directly above, at a very jaunty angle, is handwritten, "N. Ray". Did Nicholas Ray, a rebel sometimes with and without causes, fail to return the book as a way of sticking it to The Man? Stinky would like to think so.

Of course, this book could have been part of the Lucille Ball fire sale, when that wacky redhead sold the former RKO Studios several decades later, but to Stinky Fitzwizzle, this scenario has not nearly the romance.

Look closely, and one can see that Uncle Dave purchased the book for forty-nine cents. Now that Stinky believes!

Stinky Reviews the Reviews 2!

Stinky has not got much time, because Mom is on the warpath again. She says the free ride is over, and the milk train no longer stops here. Whatever that means. So Stinky has to do the dishes, even though there are several clean plates and one clean jelly jar in the cabinet. What is the rush, Ma?

When Stinky has a hankering to read informative, insightful and entertaining movie reviews, he saunters over to DVD Talk and reads DVD Savant and Stuart Galbraith IV. When he has not such a hankering, he reads this guy.

The victim this time is You'll Never Get Rich, a musical starring "the great Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth." Is the reviewer saying that Fred Astaire is great and Rita Hayworth is not, or is he unfamiliar with how to use words? Stinky suspects the latter, because in his review of The Rounders, the reviewer begins by saying, "The Rounders is a western-comedy featuring the legendary Glenn Ford and Henry Fonda."  Glenn Ford is legendary but Henry Fonda is not? Why not say movie greats or screen legends if one is referring to both? Stinky assumes he means to include both, because Stinky has a generous nature.

We are informed that "the film features music by the legendary musician Cole Porter." Why one of the greatest composers in American Music is called a "musician", Stinky has not a clue. And a mention of any of the songs by this legendary musician would have been nice.

We are also told that the film was produced by Samuel Bischoff, but Stinky is not certain why this warrants a mention in the opening paragraph, or why his credit on The Roaring Twenties is relevant.

A plot synopsis follows, "and the story goes from one zany scenario to another". Here the reviewer confuses scene and scenario, two different things.

"The film is well produced with a number of great elements to the production." Well produced, we assume by Samuel Bischoff, from way back in the first paragraph, but how? And what are "the great elements to the production"? This means nothing sans, one might even say without, examples.

"The cinematography by Philip Tannura (Racket Squad) is beautiful to behold." Not just beautiful, but beautiful to behold. "The film has tremendous black and white cinematography. The film looks stunning." So many words, so many sentences, and Stinky still has to do all those dishes.

We are told the screenplay "is entertaining". Very penetrating. And for those of you who are unfamiliar, this is an excellent example of Stinky's world-famous sarcastic wit.

Then we are told the film "is well-done for a classic musical",  "surprisingly funny", and "worth checking out for musical fans". Perhaps the reviewer is unaware of the condescension, but Stinky Fitzwizzle is not.

Next to finally, can we please stop with the parenthetical irrelevant credits, which Stinky concisely and hilariously parodied here. Do we really need to know that Philip Tannura shot (or, as this reviewer might say, cinemagraphed or cinematographied), Racket Squad?

Finally,

     This release includes English SDH subtitles (for the deaf and hard of hearing).

What if Stinky wants to watch it with subtitles and the sound really low before he tackles that sink full of crockery?  Is he not allowed?

Seek out this entertaining couple!

Jiggers! The Professor!

Here's a clip from 1930's Good News that always makes Stinky laugh. Always, as in for the last three days.

Doing The Varsity Drag is Dorothy McNulty. Stinky is no expert - a phrase rarely heard uttered - but McNulty's voice probably owes something to Helen Kane. But to describe that dancing, Stinky does not possess the syllables.

At first glance, Stinky thought perhaps that was a stunt-person doing those cartwheels; but no, that is Miss McNulty.

About eight years later, Dorothy McNulty changed her name to Penny Singleton, was cast as Blondie Bumstead, and later Jane Jetson,  thereby changing cinematic history and Stinky's heart forever.

And yes, that is Harry Earles popping out of the waste paper basket and ruining even the simplest of dance moves.

Blondie!! Stinky's latest crush.

George Gobel Yodels!

Stinky has to admit that he is not an especial fan of the art of the yodeling, but these days, whenever Stinky gets a hankerin', nearly all of his yodeling requirements are met by George Gobel. Here's a clip from 1966 of good ol' Lonesome George singing a Jimmie Davis tune, Sweethearts or Strangers. If you listen closely, you will hear an enthusiastic "ahh ha!" from the wings, likely from Dean Martin. George does his best not to titter.

George's comedy bit was probably excised from the middle of the song to make room for additional hi-jinks and frivolity, accounting for that snazzy video edit.

Credits were added by the person who posted this clip on the YouTube. Stinky assumes this person is very pleased with himself.

April Stevens!

Firstly of all, Stinky must apologize to his legions of followers- known as Stinksters- for not having written lately. Stinky has been very tired, apparently from all this winning. And not only is Stinky tired, but his head is also spinning exactly as promised, as well as his various appendages being limp and his assorted orifices being  just a smidge leaky, to boot.

This post is courtesy of Stinky's significant auxiliary, Lynne deDarnell, who introduced Stinky to Teach Me, Tiger by April Stevens. Stinky's wholesome and unblemished better half thought the song was rather naughty, but to Stinky's worldly and well-traveled musical ears, the song was no more explicit in subject matter than many others.  However, there is April Steven's breathy performance, ripe for parody, if it is not one already, which is not lacking in immodesty.

Dig those "wa wa wa wa wah"s. How is this not meant to be funny? But perhaps Stinky is too sophisticated for his own good.

Finally, after listening to Ms. Stevens' emphysematous performance and discovering this photo of the charming Ms. Stevens, Stinky was reminded of what Kirk Douglas said to tubercular Jan Sterling in Billy Wilder's Ace in the Hole: "You don't look like a chest case to me."

This photo is posted for historical purposes only.

George Gobel!

Far be it from Stinky to judge anyone's obsessions. For example, Stinky's better half, Lynne deHamilton, is obsessed with something called My 600-Pound Life, which Stinky naturally thought was Rachael Ray's new show. Alas, it is not. But Stinky's better half is entitled to like any crummy show she pleases, as Stinky does not judge, no matter how ridiculous and embarrassing her tastes may be.

Of course, Stinky's obsessions are beyond ridicule and reproach. He is currently, and at least for the next ten minutes, obsessed with George Gobel. Here's a clip of Lonesome George pickin' and singin' from his mid-50s TV show.

Unfortunately, being a genius musicologist, amongst myriad other things of genius, Stinky is constantly reminded of things reminding him of other things, what with his brain being packed full of knowledge and stuff. The tune George sings here sounds to Stinky's clasically-trained ears as being extremely similar (as in just like) to the tune W.C. Fields sings in The Fatal Glass of Beer, as well as being somewhat thematically related, as Stinky's English Composition teacher might say.

Coincidence? Stinky wonders if this "tune" was invented by Fields or if it was a stock routine from vaudeville. Stinky will have to wonder, because he is too lazy to do the research.

Well, I'll be a dirty bird!

Stinky Insists He Heard This! Or Something Like It!

While watching a documentary on the YouTube last night, Stink is pretty sure he heard this narration:

               The unsuccessful search for the homosexual assailant proved fruitless.

Stinky Reviews the Reviews!

Firstly of all, Stinky would like to apologize for being a little cranky. He missed nap time. And he broke his favorite thermos, ruining his strawberry milk. And he had to clean his room before being allowed to  watch any Bruce Campbell movies. And it was fried liver for supper. Again. Is it not any wonder Stinky is a little out of sorts? One might even say a little prickly. Prickly.

Secondly of all and next to lastly, allow Stinky to state that everyone is entitled to his own opinion, no matter how silly and wrongheaded it may be. After all, this is America. For now.

Thirdly and lastly, allow Stinky to state that although Love in the Afternoon may not be one of Billy Wilder's towering masterpieces, Stinky considers it delightful and essential.

Apparently, Neil Lumbard of DVDtalk  does not regard Love In the Afternoon as a masterpiece, towering or otherwise, which is okay. Different strokes, Stinky always says, especially when he is too weary to utter a complete sentence.

Mr. Lombard begins by telling us that Love in the Afternoon is "based on the novel by Claude Anet." Which novel is that? And why is this relevant, considering the source material is never again referenced? The movie "stars Audrey Hepburn and Gary Cooper in the two leading roles." As stars, what other roles would they have?

A brief synopsis follows, and Mr. Lumbard says Ariane (star Audrey Hepburn) falls in love with playboy Frank (other star Gary Cooper) "despite his apparent lack of any real interest in her (and his blase attitude towards everything about her)". So why does he desperately try to see her the next day? He has a peculiar way of showing his blase attitude.  "He even forgets her name and simply refers to her as 'Thin Girl.'" No, she refuses to tell him her name, but he sees from her monogrammed purse her name begins with an "A". He spends the rest of the movie trying to guess it. Again, curious behavior for someone lacking any real interest.

Hepburn is "delightfully charming" - is there any other kind?- but Cooper "feels miscast". Too old, one may argue, but Gary Cooper, one of Hollywood's most elegant and charismatic leading men (especially before Capra cornified him) miscast as a playboy? Stinky is not prone to begging, but here he begs to differ.

The criticisms "the material....wasn't as good as it should have been", the screenplay "isn't as effective as it should have been", and "the film isn't as funny as it should  be" are pretty lazy. Without examples given, what does this even mean?

Stinky also finds it curious that Jay A. Morley is applauded for his costumes, but there is no mention of Art Director Alexandre Trauner, his first collaboration with Wilder. And "The music adapted by Franz Waxman (Rebecca, The Philadelphia Story, Sunset Boulevard) offers exuberant music by the composer. " Is it just Stinky, or is this sentence wordy and clunky? Why not say, "an exuberant score by Franz Waxman"? You are welcome.

He criticizes the film for its "silly over-the-top comedic sequences"- again, no examples- but the only scenes he praises are the ones with a performing band of Gypsies following Playboy Frank everywhere. Or, in other words, silly, over-the-top comedic sequences.

Mr. Lombard closes, "Love in the Afternoon is interesting when considered within the context of the filmography of Wilder and Hepburn but it doesn't muster up much enthusiasm on its own." Can someone please translate this into English for Stinky? Is it only recommended for fans of Wilder and Hepburn? Then why does he not say so?

Finally, a brief bio of Mr. Lumbard:

Neil Lumbard is a lifelong fan of cinema, and a student who aspires to make movies. He loves writing, and currently does in Texas.


Does? Does what?
 

Handed down for generations

         
 

Margie Singleton! The 'Too Many Rivers' Obsession Continues!

Stinky Fitzwizzle, the world's most celebrated and prominent self-proclaimed musicologist, is not necessarily proud to admit that until a few days ago, he had never heard of Margie Singleton. Perhaps Stinky does not get out as often as he should. But Ms. Singleton's country music songwriting, recording and performing career spanning sixty years, including the original recording of Harper Valley PTA, is nothing at which to sneeze. And at the current moment, Stinky is not sneezing.

True to his obsessive nature, Stinky happened upon this version of  his newest  new favorite  song, Harlan Howard's Too Many Rivers, after listening to many versions on what the kids these days are calling the youtube. Some were quite good, several made his ears hurt. After lengthy deliberation lasting nearly a couple of minutes, Stinky has chosen his favorite version, recorded in 1965 by the titular Margie Singleton. Stinky hopes he is saying that correctly.

Margie!

Stinky's Newest New Favorite Song!

Sometimes Stinky gets to feelin' weary, what with being at an advanced age (nearly fifteen), and going everywheres, seeing everything, setting trends, plating fashion, and whatnot. Those of you who are Stinky's peers, if indeed you do exist, know of what he speaks.

But every now and then, when the moon is purple and the cicadas chirrup, or whatever they do, Stinky hears a new song, and is given the courage to trod on.

High up Hillbilly Mt. Olympus, Roger Miller stands alone in his awesomeness; on the ledge below stand half a dozen (or about six) other country music songwriters, among them Harlan Howard.

Here's a Harlan Howard tune from 1965, Too Many Rivers, recorded by Brenda Lee. Stinky finds it difficult to believe he has lived all these years (practically fifteen) and has never heard this song before.

Patsy Cline, who died in 1963, recorded several Harlan Howard songs, but did not get a chance to record this one. Nor did Jim Reeves, who died the following year. According to Stinky's count, he recorded six Harlan tunes.

Many fine vocalists still around in 1965 and worthy of this song. What is your excuse?

Little Miss Dynamite, looking especially pouty.

Stinky's New Favorite Song!

Stinky's beloved ball-and-chain, Lynne deEvans, keeps saying that Stinky is becoming too obsessed with his latest crush, Kay Starr. Willikers, only because Stinky watches Kay Starr youtube videos til 4am, and he blurts out Kay's name at a fairly inopportune time*, he will probably never hear the end of it. Leave us agree, sweetheart, that mistakes were made on both sides (Benedict Cummerbund), and allow us to amble along to greener days and brighter pastures.

Now that Stinky has humbly and eloquently apologized, and has proved that he is the better man, leave us come to the reason that we are all gathered here together: Kay Starr.

Here is Stinky's favorite new song, The Breeze, recorded in, say, 1953, because Stinky does not feel like doing any proper research, but written and published some twenty years earlier by Sacco, Smith and Lewis (whoever they are), who have just made Honorable Mention in Stinky's completely arbitrary Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Belated recognition is better than no recognition at all, Stinky always says.

I know you all lead busy lives, what with the approaching holidays, and after that, the Armageddon, but if you can set aside 2:33 for this delightful ditty, you will thank Stinky.

Kay!

*an isle in Home Depot, when Kay was heard on the overhead music. What did you think Stinky meant?

Tennessee Ernie Ford!

Once again Stinky feels he must scold his imaginary friends. Over a year ago, Bear Family Records released Portrait of an American Singer, a comprehensive 5-CD collection of Tennessee Ernie Ford's 1949-1960 studio recordings, and no one bothered to inform Stinky. Must Stinky do everything for himself? Is not it enough he has to make his own potted meat sandwiches for school? Now he has gotta keep track of what is coming out when?

At the time of this release, most reviewers, some more gleefully than others, remarked how largely forgotten Tennessee Ernie Ford is these days. True, but who is not? Walk down any street and ask any passing stranger to name his favorite Tennessee Ernie Ford song or to name his favorite Dick Powell movie, and one is likely rewarded with only a blank stare. Stinky gets depressed just thinking about it.

But Stinky is an eternal optimist; the glass of strawberry milk is always half-full. He is grateful for the attention Ernie has received on shows like Terri Gross' Fresh Air, even if it is a review by someone named Ken Tucker, "critic at large for Yahoo TV". Whatever that is. Stinky imagines Mr. Tucker surreptitiously released from his cage, with Cameron Mitchell and Lee J. Cobb in hot 3-D pursuit. Mr. Tucker says,

         As a sizable percentage of the 154 tracks on this collection reveals, his pursuit of hits,  done  primarily at Capitol Records in Hollywood not in Nashville, led him to squander his marvelously deep, resonant voice on a lot of silly, mediocre material.

Several points: are we certain that it was his pursuit  of hits, and not, say, his producer's, who probably had more influence on his recording material? Was his recording in Hollywood a factor in recording "a lot of silly, mediocre material"? Stinky would contend that there was plenty of silly, mediocre material being recorded in Nashville too, and if Stinky had a choice, Stinky would rather be produced in Hollywood by Lee Gillette and hobnob with Nat King Cole and Dean Martin than be produced in Nashville by Chet Atkins and hang out with Carl Butler and Red Sovine. But perhaps Stinky quibbles.

And one more quibble: Mr. Tucker sums up by referring to Ernie Ford as "moderately remarkable". Does this even make sense? It's like saying, "perceptive critic at large for Yahoo TV".

On the other paw, Joe Marchese, editor at the Second disc, writes an outstanding review. He even appears to have listened to the collection and to have appreciated Ernie's contribution to popular music. And he finishes with an unequivocal opinion: "The many sides of Tennessee Ernie Ford reveal an artist whose best work transcended genre and period." Took the words right out of Stinky's hoecake-hole.

There are other reviews out there, including ones that mention influences and admirers: John Lennon and Bob Dylan are two moderately remarkable ones. Peruse these reviews at your leisure. Stinky needs to rest up. Those potted meat sandwiches ain't gonna make themselves.

Sing it, Ern!

So Long, Kay Starr

So why does not anyone tell Stinky these things? Stinky's favorite female vocalist, and near-the-top-of-the-list Top Ten Crushes of All Time, Kay Starr, died November 3rd, and Stinky just recently found out. It almost makes Stinky wish he had friends so he could chide them for not letting him know.

Stinky is still too choked up to express how he really feels about Miss Kay Starr, so he'll let The Washington Post do the talkin'. Very nice overview of her career, with an emphasis on her versatility and her admirers, including Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington, Patsy Cline, and Elvis Somebody. And within that list of illustrious geniuses, include in another, Stinky Fitzwizzle, if you please.

Stinky is not so enthusiastic about Kay's version of  I Really Don't Want to Know, despite what the admirable Mr. Gary Giddins says, but he does love her version of Jealous Heart, if you are looking for a country standard with which to give an earful. As who is not?

As for The N Y Times obit, skip it. Anyone who calls Oh, Babe and Hoop-De-Doo "two songs tinged with country and folk", is not to be taken seriously.

So long, Kay.

Happy Birthday Ellie!

Today is a day of reverence.

Willikers, it's a good thing Stinky's ball-and-chain does not read his blog, 'cause she can get mighty jealous, the little minx.

Here's a Happy Birthday wish to the delightful Miss Eleanor Powell, high on the list of Stinky's Top Ten Crushes of All Time. And to celebrate, Stinky is going to lock himself up in his room with a Family Size bag of dill pickle-flavored potato chips and a half-gallon of Rocky Road, fire up the ol' DVR, and watch some of those MGM Musical Extravaganzas that Turner Classical Movies broadcast today.

Miss Powell is always a joy and a pleasure, and the music is top-notch, but with leading men like Robert Taylor, Red Skelton, and George Somebody, and with Buddy Ebsen contorting his gangly frame and calling it dancing, it may be occasional tough slogging. Stinky only hopes he doesn't get a cramp with his thumb perpetually poised over the fast forward button.

And if Stinky begins to feel a little queasy, it's likely due to Robert Taylor, who's every bit as oleaginous as the potato chips. Maybe oleaginouser.

Ellie! Ellie! Over here!

Stinky Was Robbed!

Stinky normally has little call to bellyache, what with his looks, and his smarts, and his charisma that makes the ladies swoon, and his charmed life in general, but this time, Stinky is compelled to say that Stinky was robbed. For those of you preoccupied by less important things and not in the know, Stinky was running for Class President of I. P. Daley Middle School. And the results, shall we say, were not of the expected variety.

There were several candidates running against Stinky, including Jill Stye, a mashugana who wanted clean, filtered H2O in the water fountains, and the double-phallic named Rod Johnson, who insisted on the decriminalization of chewing gum in the classrooms. Crazy talk, Stinky knows, so naturally they had no chance of garnering any votes.

Then there was this other kid, Ronald Rump, who looked like, if he bathed at all, he bathed in Coppertone QT. He exhibited occasional troubling behavior, like threatening everyone with lawsuits,  giving little kids noogies, and grabbing girls any size by the pussy. "They just let you do it," was his defense. This earned him the nickname of Orange Roughy. But this did not preclude him from running for higher office, because it is a free country. For now.

Stinky does not wish to sound catty, so he will admit that some of Ronald's platform had some appeal to the student's baser instincts: free dessert bar in the cafeteria, and make the teachers pay for it; expulsion of all students from the Eastside who have a generous allowance of melanin; teachers to display their teaching certificates (long form) in the classroom; and the return of the decimated Yearbook publishing jobs back to the local economy. How he would accomplish this did not occur to anyone to ask.

The name-calling was especially discomforting, particularly when it came to involve Stinky. Ronald referred to Jill as "Pig Stye", and Rod as "Little Johnson", which, likely due to a locker room incident, made him weep a little. Hilarious, to be sure, but Stinky draws the line when Stinky is attacked. He began calling me "Crooked Stinky", Stinky assumes because of his poor posture. Over the line! says Stinky.

So Election Day rolls around, after a brief 15-month campaign, and Stinky is feelin' pretty good, what with all the projection polls in Stinky's favor. In fact, Stinky overwhelmingly wins the popular vote, by some accounts in the double digits. Then Stinky is informed of something called the Electoral Middle School, an illogical and arcane way of distributing the popular vote to determine the winner. It makes Stinky's head spin, and other parts of him don't feel too good, neither.

Is it any wonder that Stinky maintains that he was robbed? Does Stinky dare say the process is rigged?

Yes, Stinky do dare.

I wore my best clothes, and I still lost!

Stinky's Election Choice!

Amongst the tens of Stinky's readers, commonly known as Stinkers, virtually some of them are likely curious as to Stinky's choice in the upcoming, one may even say imminent, Presidential election. Their curiosity is understandably understandable,  considering the unslakable thirst Stinkers have for all things Stink-related.

Unfortunately, Stinky's participation in this election may be in question, what with his age, his various felony convictions, and whatnot. Those whatnots may prove to be especially problematic. But Stinky definitely has a preference, and Stinky would definitely never vote for Trump, because Stinky does not like people who refer to themselves in the third person. Very creepy, if you ask Stinky.

Stinky's new crush.

Glenn Ford Tribute!

Amongst the countless number of Stinky readers, likely climbing into the double digits, there is one fellow who goes by the moniker of "Unknown", a frequent commenter (twice), who seems to be fairly obsessed with Glenn Ford. Glenn Ford? you may ask incredulously. Stinky knows, hard to believe. And yet what is even more harder to believe is he is not the only one. Check out this Glenn Ford tribute, with glamor-puss pics of Ford with hairstyles ranging from long, greasy and cowlicky to short, greasy and cowlicky, accompanied by the delightful stylings of Kay Starr.  Probably better than he deserves, but for some reason, it tickled Stinky.

On the other mitt, one could do worse than having a tribute sung by the delightful Kay Starr, the most awesomest singer of all times. In fact, when Stinky goes, in about seventy years, he would like to have a   tribute just like this one afforded to Glenn. See what I did there?

Stinky's new crush.